I hope you get this before you leave on your trip.  I’ve got some things you should think about before you go.

First the UK.  Now be careful what you say there.  If you’re asked about their olympics, don’t be too critical.  It’s kind of like weddings, nobody wants a recently married couple to critique their ceremony.  Just say something nice. If you must speak about how successful the 2002 Winter Olympics were, under your management (I know it’s agoing to be hard for you to resist), then be sure to tell them how, then president George W. Bush’s administration gave your olympic committee 1.4 billion dollars to complete the preparations.  It would, also, be a good idea if you were to support Ann’s horse, in the “Dressage.”  After all, they are representing America, too.

Now when you get to Israel, you’re going to have to be real careful there, as well.  Try to disguise your “real” reason for being there.  I know, I know, you will be meeting primarily with American’s there, and raising money, but the image of raising money for the “American Presidential Election” overseas is not a good one.  Make sure to examine where all the donations come from.  We don’t want any foreign money to invade our process.  It would be like hiring foreign workers to care for your property.  You wouldn’t want to do that, you’re “running for office, for Pete’s sake.”  With Israel being a divided nation, you will have to walk a fine line if you are asked to comment about the state of their country.  Try not to offend either side.  Whatever you do, don’t attempt to draw any comparisons between Israeli’s and Palestinian’s.  If you say something nice about one, then, say something nice about the other.  That shouldn’t be so hard, should it?

Finally, Poland.  This is the final leg of what should have, up until now, been an “awesome” trip.  I know you’ll be tired.  Your staff will be pretty tired, too.  So now will be the time to get a tight grip on your subordinates.  We know you are going to be “tight,” that’s your nature, but we can’t have somebody, probably fatigued, flying off the handle, losing it on camera, perhaps using profanity, bringing your whole trip down.

When you’ve finished this grande ch…I mean parade, you will have erased the memory of then Sen. Obama’s trip in 2008.  Who will remember that he went from Jordan to Israel, to Germany, to France and England without a serious gaffe.  That he was well received at all of his stops.  The images of candidate Obama standing in front of 200,000 cheering people in Berlin will fade away.

If you follow these simple steps, this will be an “awesome, awesome” trip.  The people of America will be thinking about this trip all the way to November.  If you don’t, well, the people of America will be thinking about this trip all the way to November.

Oh well, there’s always “his” birth certificate!